Here it comes, Valentine’s Day. A day of romantic gestures – of cute couples on social media; of restaurants charging a premium for lighting a heart shaped candle and pink, EVERYWHERE.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate some chocolate hearts or a bunch of flowers but, along the way, I think we’ve forgotten to celebrate real love, love in its simplest form. So, how do we get back to celebrating this kind of love you ask?

We go back to the beginning. We go back to self-love.

Self-love

Our relationship with ourselves is the single most important relationship we will ever have in our lives. It’s the relationship you’ll be in the longest, the one which will see you at your worst, the one which will see you at your best and the one that will determine how you think, feel, react and communicate. When this relationship is supportive and kind, we are better equipped to navigate life’s ups and downs - including our health goals.

So what exactly is self-love?

First, let’s get rid of the negative associations. Self-love is not narcissism, it’s not about believing you are superior or that the world revolves around you. It’s simply about acknowledging your needs and recognising that you have value.  It’s not selfish, it’s essential.  

Although self-love can sound like a big, abstract idea, it can be broken down into three simple components:

Together, these help shift our mindset, building confidence and resilience, making it easier to cope with challenges and stay engaged with positive change.

The sciency bit...

On a biological level, self-love isn’t just a mindset - it’s chemistry. When you treat yourself with kindness, your brain releases neurotransmitters like dopamine (linked to motivation and reward) and oxytocin (associated with safety and connection). These chemicals help calm the nervous system, reducing the stress response that often drives unhelpful habits.

Over time, repeating self-supportive behaviours strengthens neural pathways linked to self-compassion and self-control, making it easier to pause and choose responses that align with your goals. In this way, practising self-love doesn’t just change how you feel - it helps create the mental and emotional conditions that make lasting change feel more achievable.

So how do I achieve self-love this Valentines Day?

Unfortunately, there isn’t a spell I can cast that makes self-love appear. It’s built gradually through small, practical actions that fit into daily life and support your health goals.

10 practical ways to build self-love:

1. Speak to yourself like you’re supporting a friend

You wouldn’t tell a friend they’re doomed if they had too many choccy biscuits. So don’t tell yourself that. When progress slips, notice your inner voice and use encouraging words to help you reset and try again.

2. Replace “I’ve failed” with “I’m learning”

Next time something doesn’t go to plan, say out loud: “This is part of the process.” This small reframe reduces stress and makes it easier to keep going.

3. Do a daily check-in

Our days can be full-on. Take a minute to ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” It might be rest, movement, food, fresh air, or reassurance. Responding to that need is an act of self-respect.

4. Break down your steps

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your goals, make the steps smaller. These are then easier to repeat and that is what builds lasting change.

5. Write one kind sentence to yourself

Ever heard of gratitude journaling? This is just like that. Write down one thing you’re grateful for or a supportive sentence to yourself like ‘I’m doing my best’. I know it sounds corny, but this really helps to retrain your inner voice.  

6. Keep a “done” list, not just a to-do list

This builds on from the last point but it’s really useful to recognise the things you’ve achieved that day not just the things you want to achieve. This helps build confidence and motivation.

7. Set a boundary

If there isn’t anything of note then that is okay. But if you’re anything like me, there are plenty of times I’d prefer not to be doing things. And no, unfortunately that doesn’t mean you can refuse to do the dishwasher but you might be able to choose one situation this week where you protect your energy - saying no to a party you don’t fancy, leaving earlier, or asking for space. Boundaries are a practical form of self-love.

8. Plan for wobbly moments

There are unfortunately, going to be hurdles. Instead of running full force at them with a blindfold on hoping for the best, try and plan how you’ll respond in advance. This helps to reduce panic in the moment, making sure self-love is at the top of your list.

9. Respect your limits

Pushing too hard can lead to burnout. Self-love involves recognising when you need rest or a slower pace and, don’t worry, you’ll still get there, just enjoy the view as you go.

10. End the day with something nurturing

Physical self-care isn’t everything - a bath bomb won’t mean you quit smoking. But consistently caring for yourself sends your brain the message that you are worth looking after. A warm bath, a stretch, reading, or an early night helps to reinforce self-love.

Your love story is worth investing in

So, when you’re strolling through M&S and spot Collin the Caterpillar’s new girlfriend Connie, use it as a reminder to practice a little self-love. Remember it doesn’t have to be grand gestures or perfection. It can be as simple as speaking kindly to yourself, respecting your limits and taking small steps that support your health and wellbeing. The more you invest in your relationship with yourself, the easier it becomes to face challenges and stick with your goals - because the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.

Reach out to our team if you could do with a little help finding self-love.